president trump
-
Sheriff ‘Black Guy for Trump’ Turns Down Job at the Department of Homeland Security
Milwaukee County Sheriff David A. Clarke Jr.—you know, the black man who loves to chide black people in the name of his lord and master Donald J. Trump—won’t be taking the assistant secretary position at the Department of Homeland Security. “Late Friday, Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke Jr. formally notified Secretary of Homeland Security John…
-
This Might Be Trump’s Best Tweet Yet
President Donald Trump and I rarely agree. In fact, we are so far apart that if he said the sky was blue, I would say, “Shut up, you orange-faced afterbirth, lying sack of Russian urine!” But I must admit that Trump’s latest tweet is a good one. On Friday he confirmed that he was under…
-
President Tweets as Russia Probe Moves Closer to White House
President Twitter Fingas is up to his old tricks again. As the Russia investigation moves closer to findings of possible obstruction of justice, Donald Trump took out his virtual bullhorn to shout more nonsense. This time, President Vladimir TrumPutin claims that accusations his campaign colluded with Russia last year are “phony” and called the investigation…
-
The COVFEFE Act: Lawmaker Introduces Bill to Record Trump Tweets
An Illinois congressman wants to make the president’s tweets part of the presidential record and prevent Twitter Fingas from deleting tweets. The Communications Over Various Feeds Electronically for Engagement (COVFEFE) Act (I see what he did there) was introduced Monday by Rep. Mike Quigley (D-Ill.) to amend the Presidential Records Act to “include social media,…
-
Trump: I’m Willing to Testify Under Oath About Comey’s Claims; Also, the President Is a Big-Ass Liar
We have a better chance that Birdman will release Lil Wayne’s Tha Carter V than that President Donald Trump will release the James Comey mixtape, and here’s why: There ain’t no tape! He knows it, Comey knows it, everyone knows it; and Trump practically confirmed it Friday during a Rose Garden news conference with Romanian…
-
Damn, Comey, in High School You Was the Man; WTF Happened to You?
Today was #ComeyDay, the day that the former FBI director testified in front of a Senate committee about secret stuff that we never get to hear about that goes on between an FBI director and the president of the United States, who, in this case, is also a damn buffoon. For many people like myself,…
-
Big Trump Didn’t Tweet During Comey Testimony, but Lil’ Donald Trump Jr. Did
Rumor had it before ex-FBI Director James Comey’s testimony that President Twitter Fingas was going to set social media ablaze. The scuttlebutt was that President Orange Tang Face was going to live-tweet his reactions to the bags of tea Comey was dumping on the White House lawn. While Comey didn’t disappoint in giving up the…
-
Watch James Comey Spill All the Tea Here
Like Trump Impeachment Christmas or Nerd Super Bowl, the day has finally arrived. Ex-FBI Director James Comey is set to testify before members of Congress as to what went on behind the scenes with President Donald Trump and his on-again, on-again girlfriend, Mother Russia. Hopefully, Comey won’t hold anything back, and hopefully, he will be…
-
‘What You Feel Isn’t Relevant’: Senate Intelligence Committee Hearing Gets Heated as 4 Intel Chiefs Won’t Answer Anything
If you didn’t have time to watch the circus that was the Senate Intelligence Committee hearing with four of the top brass in American intelligence, let me assure you that I watched it for you and can sum it all up like this: Two intelligence officials confirmed that President Donald Trump did not ask them…
-
What We Know About Christopher Wray, Trump’s Pick for FBI Boss
On the eve of ex-FBI Director James Comey’s highly anticipated Senate testimony, President Twitter Fingas took to social media, as he’s been recklessly known to do, to announce that his new pick for Comey’s post is Christopher Wray. Make no mistake about it—the announcement that Comey’s replacement has been found, just a day before the…