president trump
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The Trump Administration Wants to Bring Back Gov’ment Cheese, Blue Apron-Style
In a push to return to the good ol’ days of slavery, the Trump administration wants to cut funding to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, aka food stamps, and send recipients a box full of food that they didn’t ask for. According to NPR, the push to return to the horse-and-buggy era is just one…
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President Donald ‘Grab ’Em by the … ’ Trump Wishes Staffer Accused of Domestic Violence a Fond Farewell
At this point I would take a cardboard box that had been flattened by a four-wheeler over this administration. I don’t say that lightly. I literally mean that a cardboard box wearing a hat and a robe would do a better job of not being an offensive asshole like the current president of the United…
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Donald Trump Has a White Man’s Lace Front and He Almost Watched It Blow Away
When you have a lot of money, you no longer have to buy your hair in bundles from an Instagram model who’s hawking two-for-one deals on Brazilian Wavy. I imagine that Beyoncé has a group of Peruvian schoolchildren whose sole purpose is to grow their hair to their ankles so that it can be lobbed…
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I Wanted Stormy Daniels to Bring Down the White House, but Turns Out She’s Just Like Trump
I really wanted to believe Stormy Daniels, the porn actress who claims to have had an affair with Donald Trump and is now denying it, because I hate the president that much. I wanted to believe the earlier reports she gave claiming that the president, who was not the president at the time of the…
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A Lists of Protests by Congress Members Who Think the State of the Union Is Trash
It’s that time of year again. What time of year, you ask? The time of year when President Racist von WallBuilder reads his prepared speech from a teleprompter, and a roomful of fat, rich white guys and affluent white women applaud as if the world were crafted from his tiny hands. This is also the…
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White House Sends Out State of the ‘Uniom’ Tickets Because No One in This Administration Is at Grade Level
It’s only President Donald Trump’s first State of the Union address, so what could go wrong? Well, the tickets, for one. The bumbling Beverly Hillbillies administration couldn’t even get the damn tickets correct to his inaugural address because I’m convinced that no one in the administration is at grade level. This Toyota Paseo-ass administration sent…
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UN Ambassador and Trump’s Possible Side Chick Nikki Haley Was Big Mad During Grammys
Nimrata Randhawa, aka Nikki Haley, once had a promising career in politics. In 2010 she became the youngest governor in America at age 43, and she credited Hillary Clinton for her foray into politics. She was even critical of political albatross Donald Trump. But that feels like a lifetime ago. At some point, Haley’s moderate…
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Watch: War Hero Sen. Tammy Duckworth Calls Trump ‘Draft Dodger’ and ‘Cadet Bone Spurs’
In 2004, while on deployment in Iraq, the UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter that Sen. Tammy Duckworth (D-Ill.) was co-piloting was hit by a rocket grenade launcher. Duckworth would lose her right leg near the hip and her left leg below the knee from injuries she suffered in the attack. So you can imagine how much…