president trump
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President Pump-Fake Throws Another Twitter Tantrum, Threatens to Veto Spending Bill, and No One Believes Him
On Friday, President Donald Trump, who this week alone has claimed that he would beat the daylights out of former Vice President Joe Biden, explained why he made a congratulatory call to a Russian gangster posing as a president, and typed “witch hunt” in all caps, has again gone to Twitter to claim that he’s…
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Joe Biden Really Needs to Sit His Ass Down Somewhere
Former Vice President Joe Biden won’t stop all this tough-talking stuff, and he’s literally becoming the walking meme of himself. During the “It’s on Us” anti-sexual-assault rally that Biden attended Tuesday at the University of Miami, Biden told students that he would’ve “beat the hell out” of Donald Trump if they had gone to school…
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White House Staffer Leaks That Trump Was Warned Not to Congratulate Putin, Then Trump Got Mad About the Leak and Someone Leaked That
Because the White House staff has to talk to the president of the United States like he’s a third-grader, national security advisers put the words “DO NOT CONGRATULATE” in all caps so that the old fool would be sure not to celebrate the sham election win by Russian dictator Vladimir Putin during a call Tuesday.…
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Trump Congratulates Putin on His Re-Election Because He Loves the Russian President More Than He Loves America
Donald Trump loves Vladimir Putin. He openly wants to be him. He secretly wishes that he could be the president of a mob country that hosts sham elections like Putin. Like a teenage boy who’s been forbidden from hanging with the troubled boy down the street, Trump has sneaked out of the house to smoke…
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Trump Called Out Attorney General Jeff Sessions Because He Doesn’t Understand How This Works
The president is proof that a subhuman nonthinking white man can one day become the leader of the free world. Asparagus should feel inspired. Sure, it is nonverbal, and yes, it is merely a vegetable, but other than color, what’s the difference between asparagus and the president? Seriously, they both know about the same when…
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Could a Russian Call Girl Be the Straw That Breaks This Joe Camel-Colored President’s Back?
Nastya Rybka claims to have been the mistress of Russian billionaire Oleg Deripaska. Why should you care about this? Well, Rybka also claims to be able to connect all of the dots missing from the Russia investigation and President Donald J. Trump. Rybka was recently arrested and thrown into a Thai jail and now, most…
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Vladimir TrumPutin to Run for President in 2020; Hopefully He’ll Be Impeached Before This Happens
Talking about jumping the gun: The president of KhakiPants, Kan., is reportedly running for president in 2020, but he may want to focus on staying in office in 2018. As it stands, the Kremlin walls of collusion with Russia are closing in, and who does the president tap to run his 2020 campaign? Brad Parscale.…
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Rick Gates Becomes 3rd Member of Trump’s Campaign to Plead Guilty to Lying
The bricks in the Kremlin wall, also known as the Trump administration, continue to crumble as former presidential campaign aide Rick Gates becomes the third person close to Donald Trump to make a deal with special counsel Robert Mueller after pleading guilty to conspiracy and making a false statement. Gates—who, in October, was indicted alongside…
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Trump Takes to Twitter to Bash Sexual Assault Accuser Because He’s Trash
When 53 percent of white women vote against their self-interests to elect a reality star to the highest office in the land, then no one can be surprised at the drama that ensues. Once again, President TinyFingers von GrabHands is back to bashing his accusers on social media because that’s really presidential. On Sunday, the…
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It’s Valentine’s Day; South Africa Just Dumped Its Leader and America Should Be Next
Valentine’s Day 2018 is the perfect day for America to finally end its rebounding relationship with Donald Trump. We all know it’s been hard to get over Barack: He took America to meet his family in Kenya, brought some flowers for the National Portrait Gallery; we all know he was a good guy and America…