president trump
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President Trump's Physical Was Days Ago, So Where Are the Results? [Updated]
When the president had his routine physical last year, he was quick to usher out Dr. Ronny Jackson to do a press conference announcing that he was the most fit 71-year-old man whose diet consists of fast food. Oh, he swore that the president was only taking a low dose of cholesterol medicine and that…
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White House Defends Trump's 'Executive Time' After Leaker Reveals Sir Nap-A-Lot's Schedule
To hear the president tell it, he’s a hardworking commander-in-chief who would never take nap during “executive time” no matter what his aides tell the media. He was resting his eyes…and praying. Look, a man needs time to meditate after a family size bucket of extra crispy KFC, two Filet o’ Fish and a 2-liter…
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Major Leak Proves That Lazy Thot President Spends About 60 Percent of His Day in ‘Executive Time’
The White House is in full panic mode after a major leak confirmed that the president of the United States spends most of his day doing absolutely nothing. Of course, his schedule doesn’t say that he’s doing absolutely nothing, but that is, in fact, what he’s doing—nothing. According to leaked schedules obtained by Axios, the…
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The Season Finale of This Is Us Will Be Delayed So President Boiled Fanta Can Issue His Little SOTU Address
This is … not cool. According to Entertainment Weekly, NBC’s beloved show This Is Us will be preempted on Feb. 5 so Trump can exude his self-absorbed orange rays through our televisions in the form of the State of the Union address. The “Songbird Road: Part One” episode had already been bumped from its Jan.…
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Nancy Pelosi's Trip Cancelled After Leak Exposes Exact Travel Schedule Causing Security Risks
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s was all set to make a trip to Afghanistan until President Petty decided to out her travel plans and, in turn, forced her to shut the trip down because he went public making Pelosi’s trip too dangerous. On Thursday—surely a retaliation effort for Pelosi suggesting that President Richard Pettibone should memorize…
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I Don’t Care What Y’all Say, If Buzzfeed Brings Down President Trump, I’m Inviting Them To The Cookout [Updated]
If BuzzFeed’s report that the president told his former lawyer and fixer to lie to Congress about the Moscow Tower turns out to be true and brings down the president, this will be the biggest moment in American history. Therefore, I’m formally requesting that we take a vote to extend one conditional cookout invitation to…
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Michael Cohen Might Spend His Time Behind Bars in One of America’s Cushiest Prisons Unless …
If you are white person sentenced for a white collar crime, then you want to do prison time at the cushy FCI Otisville. It’s all the rage. Located about 70 miles northwest of New York City, guests (prisoners) are treated to an array of physical activities including weights, cardio equipment, bocce ball and horseshoes. The…
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Donald Trump Jr. Attacks Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez With Ignorant Dog-Eating Meme
Donald Trump Jr. continues his quest for relevancy and his pointless push to outshine his father’s favorite offspring by posting highly offensive content to his Instagram account and then running to show his father how funny he can be. For some reason, Trump Jr. (aka Not-Ivanka) thought it’d be funny to post a meme to…
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The Trump Organization Wanted to Give Trump's Boo Vladimir Putin a $50 Million Penthouse: Report
It looks like The Trump Organization wasn’t just trying to build a mega building in his boo’s native land but the Trump Tower Moscow would’ve included a $50 million penthouse gift to his sidepiece, Russian President Bae-dimir Putin. Felix Sater, a real estate developer with ties to the Russian government, told the New York Daily…
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Trump Gives Himself an A+, Slams Navy SEAL for Not Finding Osama Bin Laden Faster
President Trump is the personification of white privilege. He’s the young man who claimed he had bone spurs and therefore was unable to fight for the country but sees no irony in blasting retired Adm. Bill McRaven—the Navy SEAL who led the 2011 raid that killed Osama bin Laden—for not doing it sooner. He’s the…