president trump
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President Pee-Pee’s Supreme Court Pick Started a Fascism Club in High School
So it turns out that back when Judge Neil Gorsuch—you know, President Pee-Pee’s nominee for the Supreme Court—was just a high school student, he founded the Fascism Forever Club. First off, what a dork. Second, really?! The 49-year-old nerd started the club as a freshman at the über-expensive elite Georgetown Preparatory School near Washington, D.C.,…
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Donald Trump Hates Muslims (Old Kanye Voice)
Let’s recap: First Donald Trump’s administration issues a Muslim ban, which they don’t want called a ban, but the president and his lackey Sean “Spicy Facts” Spicer have both called it a ban. The ban stops people from seven predominantly Muslim countries from coming to the U.S. Now comes the news that the Department of…
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Sean Spicer Looks Like Howard the Duck in Human Form, Is Scared of Children and Is a Terrible Press Secretary
Sean Spicer often looks guilty of something. He looks like the person who went into the work refrigerator, saw the juice with your name on it and drank it anyway—and put it back with not the slightest ounce of shame. Spicer also seems like the driver you end up cursing out on the freeway because…
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Evil Voltron Is Almost Complete as Senate Panel Confirms Jeff Sessions
The movement to form evil Voltron is almost complete as Sen. Jeff Sessions’ (R -Ala.) nomination to become U.S. attorney general was approved by the Senate Judiciary Committee along party lines, 11-9. According to NBC News, the panel put up a good fight, but in the end evil prevailed, as it tends to do with…
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Sean ‘Spicy Facts’ Spicer Gets in Heavy Fuss-Fight With the Press
White House press secretary Sean “Spicy Facts” Spicer is so out of his depth, it’s amazing to watch. On Tuesday, Spicy Facts found himself knee-deep in a tense conversation with members of the press corps over a tweet sent out by the tweeter-in-chief. On Monday, President Donald Trump tweeted: I know it’s difficult, but ignore…
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Why Is Tina Campbell Helping President Hog’s-Head-Cheese Hussein?
If I could charter our new President Hog’s-Head-Cheese Hussein a flight anywhere, the destination would be obvious: the Seventh Circle of Hell. If his long list of sins against humanity before he was elected (insert laugh track) president did not confirm what an arrogant, selfish, greedy, cruel waste of the gift of life he is,…
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Sage Steele Is Still Out to Prove That a Biracial Woman Can Cry White Tears
ESPN host Sage Steele will never be coming to the cookout. Ever. On Sunday, as thousands around the country protested President Evil’s “Muslim ban”—the one his administration is refusing to call a Muslim ban even though that’s exactly what it is—Steele tweeted not about the protest, or solidarity with those who find the dictator-in-chief’s actions…
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The Donald Blames Airport Mess on Computer Outage and Sen. Chuck Schumer’s Tears
Donald Trump is doing what he does best when faced with difficult questions: lying, deflecting blame, mocking people and talking trash on Twitter. On Monday, after protesters converged on airports throughout the country to protest the Muslim ban this administration swears is not a Muslim ban, except the part where it totally is, Trump took…
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Trump’s 1st News Conference: UK Is Still Bae; Russia Remains Strong Side Chick
To the shock of no one, President Donald Trump spent his first White House news conference Friday talking about America’s side bae: Russia. That’s right, everyone, the president hasn’t been cozying up with Russia President Vladimir Putin for nothing; he’s looking to continue dating Russia, Trump announced during the joint press conference with British Prime…