president trump
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For Kellyanne Conway Haters Who Need Support When Shouting at the TV Is Not Enough
I should have known Kellyanne Conway couldn’t be trusted when it became all too apparent that she couldn’t be bothered to place trust in a comb before appearing on national television. If that sounds cruel to you, to quote my spiritual adviser, Beyoncé, “I ain’t sorry,” so don’t anticipate any Anita Baker-grade apology from me.…
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State Department Senior Management Team Resigns Instead of Working With Trump
Senior officials at the State Department could smell blood in the water, and with the gangsterism admired by anyone who has ever wanted to pull a cannabis-smoking news-anchor move (see below), they all said, “Bye, Felicia” to their jobs rather than work under President Donald Trump. According to the Washington Post, what makes it even…
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Why Mexico’s Ex-President Is Our Inner Voice
Mexico’s ex president Vicente Fox Quesada is not here for no damn wall. In fact, he’s never been here for a damn wall. But President Donald Trump keeps up this delusional tale that Mexico’s going to pay for it. In fact, he ran on a platform that the wall dividing Mexico and the U.S. would…
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You Can’t Make This Stuff Up: Donald Trump’s 1st Interview on ABC
I don’t believe in assigning President Trump silly nicknames. There is no combination of orange, hand, marigold or pumpkin jokes or references that either makes me chuckle or truly demonstrates who or what he is. Why? Primarily because who Donald Trump is, and what he represents, isn’t funny and runs much deeper than a few…
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I’ll Be Skipping the Pity Party Held by Honeysuckle Lenin Voters
As the pool of white tears begins to flood from the influx of supporters of our newly elected authoritarian who are expressing regret over their votes, allow me to extend the following invitation to one and all: Drown. Recently, USA Today published an op-ed entitled, “I Voted for Trump, Not Against Planned Parenthood.” In it,…
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In Less Than a Week, Donald Trump Has Rick James-ed All Over America’s Couch
He’s been in office less than a week and he’s already wreaking havoc. In his first full day playing president, Donald Trump withdrew the United States from the Trans-Pacific Partnership, issued a hiring freeze on the federal workforce and took federal funding from all nongovernmental agencies that perform abortions. In subsequent days, he pushed for…
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Trump Is Going to Build His Damn Wall, and Other Questionable Executive Orders
President (ugh) Trump continued his bull-in-a-china-shop routine Wednesday by signing a few questionable executive orders, including one to build a border wall with Mexico, one to cut off funds to cities that do not report undocumented immigrants, and one that could restart an interrogation program that was dismantled in 2009 after being condemned as torture.…
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Don’t Save Melania Trump; She Don’t Wanna Be Saved
When it comes to Melania Trump, multiple things can be true if you try really, really hard not to operate at the same intellectual level as her dimwitted husband. Like, even if Slovenia’s new favorite daughter chose to pose nude back in her modeling days, it was wrong for the New York Post to publish…
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Chicago Shootings, Homicides Higher Than at the Start of Violent 2016
For Chicago, 2016 closed out as the deadliest year in two decades. And it seems as if 2017 may be setting up to become just as grim; the Chicago Tribune reports that shootings and homicides in the Windy City are higher than they were this time last January. According to the report, as of early…
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Your Ultimate Auntie, Rep. Maxine Waters, Takes ‘Knuck if You Buck’ Stance on Trump
Maxine Waters should be tired. At 78 years old, she shouldn’t be the congresswoman leading the fight against Donald Trump, but don’t tell her that. She’s fought bigger and tougher, and to her, this is the fight in front of her and she isn’t the running type. Serving since 1991 as the U.S. representative for…