coronavirus
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Trump Delivers Campaign Speech From the White House to a Crowd of 'Blexit' Supporters Paid for by Candace Owen
The President has returned to his campaigning activities despite his coronavirus diagnosis, delivering a speech from the White House on Saturday in which he called on the surprising number of Black and Latino people in attendance to vote Democrats “into oblivion.” At the event, billed by the White House as a protest for law and…
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What is Lindsay Graham Hiding? S.C. Senator Refuses to Test for COVID-19 Ahead of Debate With Challenger Jamie Harrison, Raising Suspicions
If you were browsing Twitter on Friday, you may have noticed that #LindsayGrahamHasCOVID was trending. But you’d be wrong to assume that means we know anything definitively about the Republican senator’s health status as it pertains to coronavirus. The hashtag itself was prompted by the fact that earlier that day, Graham outright refused to undergo…
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Another Day, Another NFL Team Incurs the Wrath of the Coronavirus as New York Jets Shut Down Team Facilities
Stephen A. Crockett Jr., your senior editor at this very website, and I have a running bet that the NFL won’t last until Week 8—I mean, Week 7—due to its inability to circumvent COVID-19. And if today’s news is any indication, we should probably bump that up to Week 6. From ESPN: The New York…
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Pro-Life President’s Coronavirus Treatment Was Tested Using Cells Originally Cultivated From Aborted Tissue
The antibody cocktail used to treat President Donald Trump’s case of coronavirus uses cells originally derived from aborted fetuses. The MIT Technology Review found that Regeneron Pharmaceuticals, the company responsible for crafting the antibody cocktail used by Trump, tested it using cells originally cultivated from aborted tissue. *clears throat* OOOOOOOOOO, THEY IN TROUBLEEEEEE. Just kidding,…
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Trump Implies That He Could’ve Gotten COVID-19 From Gold Star Families
President Donald Trump has consistently proven one thing since taking over the White House: He will do and say anything to save his own untanned ass. On Thursday, the president of people who are standing down and standing by implied that he could’ve caught COVID-19 from Gold Star families that he met in the White…
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Tennessee Titans Face 'Significant Punishment' for Violating COVID-19 Protocols by Holding Secret Practice
What in the hell is going on with the Tennessee Titans? When last we left them, a grand total of 22 players and staff members had tested positive for the coronavirus since September 24. But since Donald Trump continues to apparently meander around their facilities without a mask, that number continues to defy logic and…
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Trump Won’t Do Virtual Debate, Wants to Take His Coronavirus on the Road Instead
President Trump wants to yell at Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden in person or he doesn’t want to yell at all. On Thursday, the organizing commission of the debates announced that in order to protect Biden from getting the president’s coronavirus—which the president claims is gone and healed, because God—they wanted to move the debates…
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I'm Rooting for the Coronavirus
I remember Michael Harriot. Yesterday would have been his birthday. He was a human being. Before his untimely demise, Michael spent most of his time doing things like inhaling oxygen, exhaling carbon dioxide, and figuring out why people consume candy corn in a world where Skittles, Starburst and Now & Laters exist. Michael even believed…
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Trump: Stimulus Talks Are Off Unless I Win! Also Trump: My Bad, Stimulus Talks are Back On
President Quid Pro Quo tried to hold America’s stimulus checks hostage because he’s a master negotiator, and by “master,” I mean mafia. The stable genius, who was quite possibly hopped up on COVID-19 medication, went on a full “Get off my lawn” Twitter-rant that called for the end of stimulus negotiations in Congress until he…
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Cam Newton Delivers Words of Wisdom After Stephon Gilmore, More NFL Players Test Positive for Coronavirus: 'Wear Your Mask'
On the same day we learned that All-Pro cornerback Stephon Gilmore tested positive for the coronavirus—the third Patriots player to do so—comes the news that two more Tennessee Titans players have tested positive too, bringing the team’s grand total to an inexplicable 22 players and staff members since September 24. ESPN reports that after the…