coronavirus
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White House Takes Credit for Ending COVID-19 Pandemic as Coronavirus Numbers Hit Daily Records
In news that can only be described as “y’all niggas is tripping,” the White House’s science policy office released a list of President Donald Trump’s first term accomplishments and right at the very top as if America doesn’t have news stations and Google alerts on their phone, they listed “ending the COVID-19 pandemic.” Notice the…
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Mike Pence's Closest Staffers Are Testing Positive for COVID-19, But the VP Has No Plans to Quarantine
About five members of Vice President Mike Pence’s inner team now have coronavirus, a troubling outbreak that nonetheless seems not to have thwarted Pence’s plans to travel across the country campaigning in the coming days. The first case reported this weekend was that of the Vice President’s Chief of Staff, Marc Short, who a spokesperson…
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Anonymous NBA Agent Rips League for Allowing Black Lives Matter to 'Really Hurt the Business': 'Who Are You Helping?'
In the immediate aftermath of the death of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police officers, America underwent a short-lived racial reckoning in which white people pretended to give a shit about the Black plight, and Black folks failed miserably to fully capitalize off of it. One of the best examples of this was…
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Trump Bashes Dr. Fauci During Campaign Call: 'He’s a Disaster and an Idiot'
President Trumprona Virus opened his anus-shaped mouth to bash the nation’s top infectious-disease expert, Dr. Anthony Fauci, claiming that he and the rest of the scientists working to stop the spread of the coronavirus are all “idiots.” “People are tired of COVID. I have these huge rallies. People are saying whatever. Just leave us alone.…
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The Coronavirus Got Chris Christie Shooketh: I Was Wrong. I Should’ve Worn a Mask
Former New Jersey governor and the Cake Boss’ before photo, Chris Christie, revealed that he went from feeling perfectly healthy to being admitted to the intensive care unit in less than a day after contracting the coronavirus. Now that he’s on the mend, he’s admitting to being a complete asshole and warning Americans to take…
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As the Coronavirus Continues to Play Musical Chairs With the NFL, the Colts Practice Facility Closes While the Falcons Re-Open
Despite President COVID-45’s insistence that the coronavirus is “disappearing,” this pandemic is still very much alive—as evidenced by the fact that 21 states have just set record weekly averages for new cases this week. That being said, participating in a full-contact sport is probably one of the last things anyone should be doing right now. But…
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Sen. Kamala Harris Halts Campaign Travel After Staffer Tests Positive for COVID-19
Not today, Satan. I see what you are trying to do and I rebuke you in the name of our Lord and savior, Robyn Rihanna Fenty. California Sen. Kamala Harris, Joe Biden’s running mate to take down the beasts from Lovecraft Country that inhabit the White House, has halted campaign travel after two people—a flight…
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Struggling to Stay Fit During the Pandemic? Celebrity Trainer Percell Dugger Offers Suggestions On How to Preserve Your Sexy
This global pandemic has been a trying time for each of us, and many of us are finding significant difficulty in our attempts to free ourselves from the rampant stress, anxiety and depression that are more prevalent than ever before. Exercise can work wonders in alleviating these afflictions, but as many of us have learned,…
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This Has to be the Most Bizarre Trump Story of All Time
I still can’t believe that this story is true even from this Washington Football Team-ass administration, but apparently, Trump wanted to pull a stunt so outrageous that even his New York Jets-ass administration was like “Nah, Slim. You bugging the fuck out.” President COVID-45 reportedly pitched this idea while COVID-19 was running through his body…