Every week, Jerrod Carmichael has us pondering the reason for existence for his MAX reality series “Jerrod Carmichael Reality Show,” mainly because it further obliterates his image with every episode: Jokes about slave play with his white boyfriend, cheating on said boyfriend repeatedly, missing his best friend’s wedding because he refused to wear a Men’s Wearhouse and surprising his homegirl with an apartment – that he paid up for just one month.
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Carmichael stepped into a different Circle of Hell in Episode 4, which sees him take a road trip with his father Joe Carmichael to the latter’s hometown of Dillon. S.C. Because many old Black dads don’t want to go anywhere except the other side of their own house, Joe apparently needed some convincing before agreeing to go.
The episode seemed like it was headed toward a welcome reprieve from Carmichael’s wild ego trips masked as spurious “reality” television — until we realize that he curated the whole trip specifically to trap Joe into tough on-camera conversations.
We learned in Carmichael’s groundbreaking 2022 standup routine “Rothaniel” that his parents (mom especially) are conservative Christian southerners with the expected perspective toward homosexuality, so Carmichael forcing his pops to look at a picture of his white boyfriend wearing nothing but briefs feels especially performative considering that shit wouldn’t slide with any older Black parent, gay or straight.
Near the episode’s end, we learn that Joe cheated on Carmichael’s mom and had an entire family on the other side of town. During the climactic campfire scene, son confronts father, expressing his still-lingering animosity at the secret family and at the fact that he doesn’t feel welcome bringing his boyfriend into his parents’ home – for which he pays the mortgage.
Joe insists he doesn’t want to discuss the issue on camera, but Carmichael goads him into the discussion anyway.
This is where things get divisive: On one hand, the secret family contributed to defining who Carmichael is at 37 and he’s justified in feeling raw about his parents’ failure to fully embrace his sexuality. He can’t be blamed for his desire to reconcile these long-gestating issues with his aging parents before they die.
On the other hand, those of us with Black Baby Boomer daddies understand intimately that attempting to change them is usually an exercise in futility: Folks who hit 70 will most likely die harboring whatever proclivities exist within them; tack on the pride and stubbornness of a Y chromosome and you can gripe and moan until you’re raw in the throat about how you think he should do things and he’ll still stare at you blankly and tell you to bring the potatoes up from the basement. (For what it’s worth, Joe tells Carmichael that he loves and accepts him as a gay man — a tall order for an older Black dude.)
We see in old home videos that Joe was once a beefy tower of a man – that he’s now hunched over and slower provokes the sympathy of the viewer when, after Carmichael harangues him, Joe seems on the precipice of tears and asks meekly if he can go home. Joe feels like a defeated man under the thumb (and financial aegis) of his son; it feels more egregiously exploitative than your average reality show moment.
Therapy is big industry in large part because of the number our parents do on us. But elderly parents often regret their actions raising their children — and commonly seek to reconcile it with their grandchildren. Nothing’s wrong with seeking understanding and answers regarding how you were raised, but compassion for people who regret their decades-old actions is important…no matter how hard it can be.
Carmichael’s insistence on having the tough conversations on camera entirely undermines his sincerity and came off as borderline elder emotional abuse. If he was seeking our sympathy, he failed miserably.
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