president trump
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Why Won’t Y’all’s Punk-Ass President Stop Campaigning? Have We Not Suffered Enough?
On Wednesday morning, y’all’s punk-ass president began his day the way he so often does: by ruining everyone’s morning with deranged tweets reeking of stupidity, paranoia and various strains of bullshit. First he took shots at Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative reporter David Cay Johnston—whom he claims no one has ever heard of, even though Tropicana Jong-il…
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President TrumPutin Hates the Arts, According to 1st Budget Blueprint
President Vladimir TrumPutin wants to be such a tough hard-ass that he keeps picking fights even when there are none. Currently the U.S. is beefing with Mexico. Mexico? We loved Mexico prior to TrumPutin’s reign. Now Mexico hates us because of this dumb-ass wall that no one wants. On Thursday the president unveiled his first…
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Member of Trump’s Leadership Team Found in Motel With Teen Boy: Report
Oklahoma state Sen. Ralph Shortey, who was a noted Birther and a member of President Vladimir TrumPutin’s leadership team, is under investigation after he was reportedly found in a motel with a boy younger than 18. Shortey, 35, was found inside a Super 8 motel in Moore, Okla., on March 9 with a boy Cleveland…
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TrumPutin’s Longtime Friend Roger Stone Communicated With Russian Hackers Before Election: Report
Roger Stone, a political consultant and longtime friend of President Vladimir TrumPutin, was reportedly in contact with the Russian hacking “online persona” Guccifer 2.0, which the FBI believes was responsible for the theft and leaking of emails during the Democratic presidential campaign. Stone allegedly used Twitter (because of course he did) to send private messages…
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Watch Mike Pence’s Matrix-Like Deflection of Obama Wiretapping Claims Made by Trump
Vice President Mike Pence knows that President Mother Russia was lying when he took to the keyboard with his little fingers to type those crazy claims that former President Barack Obama wiretapped Trump Tower in New York City. In fact, the vice president pulled out some Matrix-like dodging moves when he was asked flat out…
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Trump Tweets on International Women’s Day and It Might Be His Worst Tweet Ever
On International Women’s Day, President “Grab ’Em by the Pussy” took to Twitter to express his support for women. “I have tremendous respect for women and the many roles they serve that are vital to the fabric of our society and our economy,” he tweeted Wednesday morning. “On International Women’s Day, join me in honoring…
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GOP Rep. Jason Chaffetz to the Poor: Health Care or an iPhone; Can’t Have Both!
Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) is a horrible person. During an appearance on CNN on Tuesday, the horrible Chaffetz was being challenged on House Republicans’ newly released proposed health care bill, the American Health Care Act. Host Alisyn Camerota argued that accessibility to health care doesn’t make it affordable, to which the horrible Chaffetz replied: “So…
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Trumpfluenza: A Public Mental-Health Alert
After years of research and evaluation, the Yearly Psychological and Psychiatric Universal Lexicon Listing (Y.P. P.U.L.L.) will make its first addition in years to the official list of mental diseases. Although scientists and researchers often discover variations in already diagnosed maladies, or designate scientific titles for unnamed illnesses, this marks the first time in centuries…
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New Photos Prove That Trump Stay Lying: No One Showed Up at His Inauguration
Remember that narcissistic, rambling speech that President Asshat gave to the CIA shortly after white women elected him president? The one where he claimed that it was raining and that God made it shine just for him to give his speech, and then it started raining again after he stopped talking? Well, in that speech,…