Donald Trump
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Trump Lands in Puerto Rico and Delivers Drunken-Uncle Speech, Notes That Officials Should Be Proud That More Haven’t Died
At this point, I kind of just want President Donald Trump to STFU. At first when he was debating Hillary Clinton, he was amusing. Once he got elected, the more he spoke, the more it proved how dangerous this was going to be. Now that he’s been in office for some months, I’m just tiring…
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The So-Called Christians Defending Sweet Potato Saddam Are Begging to Be Jumped by Jesus
Last weekend the president of the United States turned his sights away from a humanitarian crisis in Puerto Rico, a U.S. territory ravaged by Hurricane Maria, to a subject more in line with his interests: black football players daring to exercise their right to peaceful protest. During the following weekend, that spoiled, queso-colored white supremacist…
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I’m Scared to Death I Won’t Be Able to Protect My 2-Year-Old Daughter From Her Own Country
Full disclosure: The headline is a lie. My daughter isn’t actually 2 years old yet. She’ll be 2 next month. But I remember, before she was born, making fun of parents who’d tell you their child’s age in months instead of years. And then I became one of those parents. So today, this is me…
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White Men Who Shoot Up People Are Not Terrorists, and 4 Other Takeaways From Trump’s Response to Las Vegas
A subdued and somber President Donald Trump got on television hours after more than 50 people were killed during an attack in Las Vegas on Sunday, and seemingly stuck to the script and took no questions, managing not to make this tragic event even more tragic (as happened with his comments after the racial melee…
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President Trump Dedicates Golf Trophy to Victims of Hurricane; Victims Want Him to Stick Trophy Up His Ass
Like just about everything that President Donald Trump touches, his response to the hurricane disaster that ravaged Puerto Rico has turned to shit. I don’t know if Trump was fully aware when he took the job that Puerto Rico is a territory of the United States and that the 1.8 million people without food or…
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Why We Should Fear a North Korean Nuclear Attack, Explained
As tensions continue to rise between Pyongyang and Washington, D.C., over North Korea’s ballistic missile and nuclear testing, arms-control experts are engaging in very sobering debates concerning America’s capacity to defend itself against full-scale nuclear attack. Verdict: It can’t. For example, the United States’ Ground-Based Midcourse Defense system, or GMD, which is designed to intercept intercontinental…
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‘I Don’t See People Dying’: Ever Classy, Fox’s Geraldo Rivera Questions San Juan’s Mayor About the Devastation in Puerto Rico
Apparently, someone thought it would be a great idea to hand Fox’s Geraldo Rivera a mic and send him to Puerto Rico. Rivera did a one-on-one interview with San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulín Cruz, who has been the target of President Twitter Fingers’ ever-continuing social media attacks after she complained about his lack of response…
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SNL’s Michael Che Calls Trump a ‘Bitch’ and a ‘Cheap Cracker’; Jay-Z Sports Kaepernick Jersey During Performance
I’ll be the first to admit that even a Jay-Z appearance couldn’t get me to watch Saturday Night Live. I, like everyone else, wait for the video clips to drop on Sunday. But apparently, things got a little turnt during the show’s 43rd-season premiere. First, Weekend Update’s Michael Che went all the way in on President…
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NBA Says Players Must Stand During the National Anthem
NBA Commissioner Adam Silver sent a memo to teams on Friday saying that he expected players and coaches to stand for the national anthem before games, as is the rule. The memo also recommended that teams show videos expressing themes of unity before their first home games, a possible compromise to those players who would…