Sports
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It's a Bird! It's a Plane! No, It's—Blake Griffin Is Dunking Again?!
Thanks to a global pandemic that has completely defecated on how we conceptualize time, December 2019 feels like eons ago. Hell, I don’t even remember what I got for Christmas that year. But with a little help from Blu Ivy’s Internet, I can tell you some of the biggest moments from that month: Google co-founders…
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It Was Fun While It Lasted: LaMelo Ball Out for Season With Fractured Wrist
Unlike his obnoxious-ass daddy, Charlotte Hornets rookie LaMelo Ball is a welcomed sight on my 85-inch TV screen and an absolute joy to watch on the court. But because the basketball Gods won’t allow us to have nice things, this happened on Sunday against the Los Angeles Temecula Clippers: And per ESPN, after being diagnosed…
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Age Ain't Nothing But a Number: Rookie Anthony Edwards Makes NBA History With 42-Point Explosion
I don’t know what in the hell Minnesota Timberwolves rookie Anthony Edwards ate for breakfast on Thursday. But if it makes him play like he did last night, trust and believe his teammates and coaches will be force-feeding it to him every morning for the rest of his life. It’s been a bumpy ride for…
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'I Should Have More Than Four': LeBron James Offers His Two Cents on the MVP Debate
Sustained excellence has its perks, but it can also be a bit of a curse. Because when you routinely excel at something, the general populace tends to take it for granted. Enter LeBron James, who last I checked, is somehow averaging 25.8 points, eight dimes, and eight assists per game in his 18th season in…
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Steph Curry Out Indefinitely After Suffering Gruesome Tailbone Contusion
NBA superstar Steph Curry, whose back was already sore from carrying the Golden State Warriors all season, suffered one of the worst injuries known to man Wednesday night against the Houston Rockets. At the tail end—no pun intended—of the third quarter, the two-time MVP launched an off-balance trey and as he stumbled backward into the…
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After Owning the Boston Celtics for Years, LeBron James Becomes Part-Owner of Boston Red Sox
Since entering the NBA in 2003 as an 18-year-old phenom, LeBron James has completely transformed what it means to be a professional athlete. Aside from being dominant on the court, he frequently uses his platform to combat social injustice and has evolved into a savvy businessman whose interests extend to music, the restaurant industry, education,…
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Must Be the Money: The New England Patriots Are Taking No Prisoners During NFL Free Agency
I don’t consider myself a religious person, but as much as I despise the New England Patriots, head coach Bill Bellicheat is really out here turning water into bottles of Luc Belaire. Back in October, when the Patriots were 2-4 and looking like dog shit for the first time in decades, Tom Brady’s step-daddy attributed…
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Texas Rangers Rename Ballpark In Honor of Country Music Legend Charley Pride
During the Grammys on Sunday, the Recording Academy paid tribute to music legends we lost over the past year, such as Pop Smoke, Bill Withers, Little Richard and county legend Charley Pride. But that wasn’t the only tribute the groundbreaking country artist received, because on the same day, the Texas Rangers had something special in mind…
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After Losing One Legend, Will the New Orleans Saints Unleash Another?
On Sunday, after months of speculation, Drew Brees finally called it a career after 20 years in the NFL. Per ESPN, he retires as the NFL’s all-time leader in career passing yards (80,358) and ranks second all-time in touchdown passes (571) and completion percentage (67.7%). Not bad for a dude who thinks kneeling during the…
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Re-Up Gang: Cam Newton Returns to the Evil Empire With Incentive-Laden One-Year Deal
I think it’s safe to say that Cameron Jerrell Newton didn’t have a particularly great 2020. He got cut by the Panthers, was forced to sign for pennies on the dollar with the Patriots, there was a whole-ass global pandemic, Neiman Marcus filed for bankruptcy, and he played like absolute dog shit all season. Sure,…