Politics
-
Judge Rules Against Trump Administration, Rejects Long-Term Detention of Migrant Families
A U.S. federal judge on Monday blocked the Trump administration’s efforts to detain migrant children and their families seeking asylum in the U.S. for indefinite periods of time. As the New York Times reports, Judge Dolly M. Gee of the Federal District Court in Los Angeles delivered the ruling, which shot down every argument offered…
-
Did Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy Negotiate His Replacement With Trump Before Retiring?
I love me some conspiracy theories. In fact, I am convinced that Tupac Shakur is currently living as a goat farmer in Cuba. Don’t @ me. So, I will say that this one unnamed news source has a bit of a conspiracy-esque tinge to it, but let’s just go with it for a second. On…
-
If You Wanted to Know How Trump Would Treat America, Just Look at How He Treated His Chauffeur for Over 25 Years
For 25 years, Noel Cintron had one of the worst jobs in America. For 25 years, Cintron drove a large orange tub of sherbet extract around New York City. For 25 years, he had to listen to sherbet excrement’s bloated tales of wild extravagance and the deafening sounds of sherbet devouring KFC. Cintron was Donald…
-
Virginia Lawmaker Says He Can’t Be Racist Because His Son Is Named After a Black Man
This is a twisted and somewhat confusing tale of peak caucasity, white nationalism in American government and an epic claim of “not all white people” based on the name of one white man’s son. Pay close attention. U.S. Rep. Scott Taylor is a Republican congressman from Virginia who is up for reelection in November. At…
-
Ivanka Trump’s Clothing Line Avoids China Trade Tariffs
Donald Trump is full of shit. He has been his whole career. Whether it’s been lying about his wealth or the one time he acted like his own publicist to sell stories of excessive galavanting with buxom blondes, Trump has made a lifetime out of being full of it. But, arguably his best caca-esque move…
-
Trump to Announce Supreme Court Nominee in Prime Time Because He’s a Drama Queen
President Shoo-Shoo Von ApprenticeFace only knows how to win the ratings. He’s yet to realize that running the country isn’t a popularity contest and as such, Donald Trump is building anticipation for his Supreme Court nominee announcement as if he’s LeBron famously saying “I’m going to take my talent to South Beach.” And we all…
-
‘Where Are the Babies, Mitch?’ Protesters Confront Mitch ‘Turtle Head’ McConnell Outside Restaurant
Unlike Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) was able to enjoy his meal of Hungarian goulash and sautéed bat wings before Louisville, Ky., protesters began barking, “Where are the babies, Mitch”?! According to CNN, McConnell had just downed soup made of calf innards when he was walking through the parking lot. (Fine,…
-
Denver Snowflakes Melt After Former Congressional Candidate Tweets She Has Given Up on White People
After challenging the Colorado political machine, white feminists, white liberals and the entire Democratic Party, a Colorado woman is causing an avalanche of white tears after she responded to a rhetorical question about giving up on white people by answering: “Yes.” Before we begin, I must acknowledge that Saira Rao and I are best friends.…
-
Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Wants to Make America Great Again by Hiring 61 Foreign Workers: Report
Trump is a magician whose only magic trick is convincing a group of backwater racists that he shares the same values as they do. Trump has mastered the art of tapping into their racist beliefs, thereby convincing them that he’s one of them, when in fact, he’s never been one of them. He grew up…
-
Unhinged Trump Holds Rally in Montana, Attacks #MeToo Movement in Rant About Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s Heritage
Donald Trump loves to rally. He may actually love rallying more than he loves KFC original recipe, being smacked on the ass with a rolled up Forbes magazine and watching migrant children being ripped from their families. Despite the fact that he’s already won the White House (with the help of Russian oligarchs), the president…