McDonald's To Test All-Day Breakfast; Rest Of World Says "What Took You So F**king Long?"

There are only five reasons to willingly walk into a McDonald's after 10:30am.

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1. You really have to shit. Like, really, really, really, really have to shit, and there are no other indoor toilets within walking distance

2.  You need food, and there's nothing else — not Wendy's, not a 7-11 , not even a recently discarded, but still intact, Subway sub sitting on a recently scrubbed garbage can — within driving distance

3. You're seven years old

4. You're a 67-year-old man meeting up with his crew of 67-year-old buddies

5. You work there

This is not an exaggeration. Before 10:30am, McDonald's has the best food of any fast food establishment. Because their breakfast food is the shit. After 10:30am, they have the worst. Because everything else is shit.

This is something that literally everyone knows. Yet, in one of the more counterintuitive non-decisions of, well, ever, if you walked into a McDonald's at 10:30am, ready to purchase the only reason why someone would willingly go into the store, they'd refuse to allow people to purchase the only reason why someone would willingly go into the store...because it wasn't 10:29am.

Well, until today. From CNBC: 

Fast-food giant McDonald's is making an early step toward extending breakfast hours to all-day long. The chain plans to test all-day breakfast in the San Diego area starting next month, the company confirmed to CNBC.

I don't even know what to say about this. Serving breakfast all-day long seems like such an obviously great decision that it feels like I'm missing something. There has to be a catch or something here. Like maybe producing a certain number of Big Macs a day reduces greenhouse gasses. Or maybe if you do serve Egg McMuffins after 10:30, the Ronald McDonald statues in each store will come to life and start boning the counters. Maybe Quarter Pounders are the only thing keeping those groups of 67-year-old men from taking to the streets, causing mass car accidents and giving cute women winks and nickels. Who knows? I just know that I finally found a reason to visit San Diego.