Opinion
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Dear Daylight Savings Time, You a Whole Asshole Until My Kids Are Older
Most of the United States set their clocks back an hour this past weekend to mark the end of Daylight Savings Time, an invention the white man (no, really, also the first sentence of that article is some pure bullshit) created to apparently save the daylight for the evenings, which to be clear, is nowhere…
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With Bigotry on the Ballot, the Midterms Feel Like a Potential Back to the Back of the Bus Moment
During the final weeks and days of this midterm cycle, President Donald Trump has been busy rallying bigots and those in his base comfortable with bigotry. According to polling data from the final NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll before Tuesday’s elections, it may be working, at least a bit. While Democrats remain strongly favored to…
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Louis C.K. and the Tired Practice of White People Using Black People as Their Woke GPS
As Louis C.K. continues his comeback tour—recently stepping up from unplanned appearances at marquee comedy clubs in New York to scheduled sets—controversy has circled the comic yet again. There is, of course, the specter of whether it’s appropriate for Louis to begin headlining at comedy clubs again; it’s been a little over a year since…
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Yeezy Taught Him: A Theory on How the Yeezy Mauve’s Poor Sales May Have Rescued Kanye From the Sunken Place
At The Root we loves us a good conspiracy theory. All conspiracy theories. On the tame side, we absolutely believe that Russian bots stole the election through deception and Russian prostitution pee pee blackmail. And on the aluminum foil Kangol side, we believe that Tupac may or may not be living in a Cuban flat…
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What Did You Think Would Happen?
Maybe the hardest I’ve ever laughed and the hardest I’ve ever been punched happened on the same day for the same reason. I don’t even remember what my older cousin was trying to cook, but I know it involved toasting four pieces of bread. Ever the impatient one, Reggie loomed over the toaster, wondering what…
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Maybe We Actually Need Troops at the Border … of Florida
First of all, all this time we were out here protesting Confederate monuments, in the two thousand eighteenth year of our Lord and savior Simone Biles, there was a whole-ass town named Plantation? I really hope that the town is zero percent black. Next, you’ll be telling me that there’s a boutique bed and breakfast resort…
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Abrams’ Flag-Burning Incident: That’s What They Force You to Do as a Black Person in the South
In 1992, when Stacey Abrams was in college, she participated in a protest where there was a burning of a Georgia state flag that had been redesigned in 1956 specifically to incorporate the Confederate battle flag emblem in it, in a clear attempt to make a statement against the burgeoning Civil Rights Movement. That history…
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Megyn Kelly Is A Professional White Woman
“Who here is white?” asked Miss Sumpter, the 3rd-grade social studies teacher at Millbrooks Elementary School in Champaign, Ill., to her students while conducting a mock census. Each hand in the all-white classroom limped up, confirming their whiteness, though most of the students were just slightly confused by Miss Sumpter’s question. Well, each hand except…
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I Just Got 5 Pounds of Candy Corn in the Mail From Amazon Because Candy Corn Is Delicious
Editor’s Note: This story was originally published on October 22, 2018. I just got a notification on my phone that Amazon delivered one of the three packages I have coming to me from my latest order, and the package delivered today contains the thing that is going to make this fall season all the more…
