1. Wait...what?
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2. I mean I know we got to see Mary-Louise versus Celeste and Mary-Louise versus Renata and Mary-Louise versus Madeline and Renata versus the trains and Jane versus her bangs, but you brought this whole entire ass show back just to conclude it with a group of white women escorting a black woman to prison?
3. The same black woman whose only narrative purpose in season 1 besides โbe a Lululemon mannequin and occasionally crochet crystals while men ogle herโ was to save Celesteโs life?
4. And then you just had her mom die?
5. The same mom you wrote to be abusive, as if โLetโs have Bonnieโs mom be a 50-something black woman who is also maybe a witchโ wasnโt enough?
6. This is how you treat her?
7. And you know sheโs going to prison now, right?
8. I mean, in a just world she shouldnโt, of course, but sheโs a) a black woman who b) killed a white man and then c) allowed those white women to convince her to be the fulcrum of a criminal motherfucking conspiracy, and you know how that probably ends for her, right?
9. SO EVERY PRINCIPAL CHARACTER GETS A HAPPY-ISH ENDINGโCELESTE KEEPS THE KIDS; MADELINE RENEWS HER VOWS WITH ADAM SCOTTโS CHIN; JANE GETS A PONYTAIL; AND RENATA PLAYS BASEBALLโEXCEPT FOR THE ONLY BLACK WOMAN, DAVID E. KELLY?
10. If you bring back this show for a third season (Donโt!!!) and it starts with Bonnie in prison or Bonnie just getting out of prison and hugging her cute but mute daughter, do you know that Iโm going to break into your house and melt down each of your Emmys into big little sparkling flasks?
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